Pleasure and routine: is there room for your sexuality?

So here I was, enjoying my coffee, thinking about how much our lives often move at a higher speed, full of obligations and appointments, causing us to do many things in our daily lives completely automatically.

As a result, we often forget to enjoy the process itself and simply view our day's activities as a goal to check off, as an item on our list that deserves a "check."

In this way, we lose the enjoyment of the taste of our food and simply want to be done quickly to move on to the next thing. We forget how nice the warm water in the shower feels, the sensation, the smell, the texture of our skin, and go straight to the next task. We pay less attention to the company of the people we love the most, the ones who are at home with us, because there is always something to do or to arrange... and this often happens in our sexuality too: what was once a kind of “playground” turns into a race to an orgasm according to a predetermined script, where we often pay more attention to the performance than to the possibility to relax, enjoy and even have fun in the process.

All of this happens unnoticed, at our current pace as modern women in a society that glorifies results at any cost, as if it were even possible to be a superwoman in all aspects of our lives.

Moreover, for most of us, our first ideas about sexuality came from soap operas, movies, or even pornography, all clearly fictional situations.

But when I go to see a Superman movie, it is completely clear to me that I will never put on a red cape and shoot beams from my eyes. On the other hand, when I see a romantic movie, I start to believe in the possibility of being as perfect or having an equally poetic story as the main character. And when I see an erotic material, I often compare myself to that performance, without realizing that it is a staged and produced fiction, just like superhero movies.

Haste, pressure, and those idealized images slowly empty our intimate lives, transforming what could be a moment of joy into a task to be completed, a goal to be achieved.

During the years I worked as a therapist, one of my most important tasks was precisely to restore the possibility of relaxation, intimacy and affection as pillars for a healthier and more enjoyable sexuality.

Make no mistake, much more than mysterious or exotic techniques, the most important recovery was that simple intimacy with yourself.

When we take back the habitual pattern of enjoying the little things in our daily lives, such as a quiet meal, listening to some good music, taking the time for a quiet shower every now and then, reading a book, really listening to music, this will ultimately be reflected in the quality of our emotional and sexual life.

Every internal habit becomes so ingrained that it runs automatically. Someone who is always in a hurry will hardly be able to enjoy an activity calmly; rushing things becomes almost inevitable.

Likewise, if your day is filled with tension, that tension will remain present, even in moments that are meant for relaxation.

The ability to enjoy life, even in difficult situations, allows us to find more pleasure and relaxation in all situations, including moments with our partner.

Do you want a practical tip?

Try to find 10-15 minutes just for yourself today.

Choose a scented cream and spread it gently over your entire body, while consciously staying on the places where it feels best. Stay there a little longer and enjoy the pleasant feeling of your own skin.

You can put on some nice music, light a candle, or do something else that you like. The most important thing is that it is a moment without rush or pressure, just of pleasure and relaxation with yourself.

And if you feel like it, why not? Try doing the same thing with your partner one day, slowly applying the cream to their body, without making anything erotic or sexual out of it, but just feeling the other person's skin in a rhythm that is pleasant and soothing to you.

Schedule this self-care moment into your routine at least once a week, and watch the magic happen!

Before long, you'll want to incorporate more of these moments into your day, and a more enjoyable routine will naturally develop.

Let me know how it was, and we'll chat further over our next coffee!